You’ve probably heard this verse… even if you didn’t know it was actually in the Bible.
Now, let’s be honest… you’re probably expecting some sort of platitude in this post. A generic, “this is what love is… let’s describe it ten thousand different ways…”
I’d rather not. Instead, let’s just talk about one part of it and how it correlates to relationships: Patience.
Before we move forward – let’s take a look at this incredibly beautiful, complex, and intimidating verse.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
That last part really sticks out to me… “Love never fails.” What a powerful statement. I believe that the Bible, in its entirety, is entirely true; but if this verse is true, I have to come face to face with something much less pleasant to look at than the words of this verse:
That is, how imperfect MY love is – and sometimes, it’s imperfect because of a lack of patience…
Have you ever hurt anyone out of frustration – whether intentional or by accident?
Who are we kidding? We all have!
It may not have even been on purpose, but as we mature, our limiting ego diminishes, and our perspective of the world broadens beyond its confines. As this (sometimes molasses-like) change happens, we find out that the consequences of our actions reach far beyond what we can ever comprehend.
What’s more is, most of us humans have a tendency to hurt those who are closest to us the most. We get emotionally invested in relationships, we get scared, and we act in fear or in pain because – let’s face it – our partners are human and imperfect as well.
In a split second of misunderstanding or miscommunication, what was a happy and loving relationship becomes an inescapable nightmare. Instead of taking the time to hear the other person out, we lash out in anger, impatiently, wanting to be understood – and understood NOW!
The result is usually two hurt people – who did claim to love each other – but are now acting as though they wish they’d never met (unless their first meeting was in a boxing ring!).
If we had only listened to Ecclesiastes 7:9, which says, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
I’ll be first to say… I can be a fool at times.
Moments of failed patience prevent us from receiving so many blessings. Impatience hinders us from building more meaningful relationships, and it has a serious tendency to steal our joy and the happiness of those around us.
It also has a tendency to bring about conflict in areas where it could have been avoided – adding unnecessary stress into our lives and likely shortening our days.
“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” – Proverbs 15:18.
Regardless of our desire to love (and act) perfectly, it seems the closer people get to us, the more we show them our truly imperfect nature. The claws come out, errors are made, injury is sustained, and we usually find ourselves feeling foolish and ashamed of the way we acted.
None of these things are great examples of love.
If we could only find some way of mirroring the content of the verse above… it would certainly change our lives and the lives of those around us… wouldn’t it?
Love is Patient… and I’m not… but I need to be…
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
– Ephesians 4:2.
Patience is a virtue.
It’s a virtue that most of us lack. We simply aren’t designed to be patient, and the world around us seldom encourages it (unless you are doing yoga or hypnotherapy). Everything around us is intended to overstimulate us and make us feel like we don’t have time for anyone or anything.
The problem is, this is very bad for relationships. Impatience is an ego-driven, selfish state of being. It isn’t healthy for anyone, and it doesn’t really get anything accomplished – at least, not in the right way.
It is a barrier to meaningful communication, and it is often an excuse to disregard the importance of others so that we can make ourselves more important than we ought to.
This is not the way God intended us to be. There is only one, all-important being in the universe, and even He shows us patience by His example (out of His lovingkindness, because He doesn’t have to).
He formed you at the very beginning of time, He apportioned to you the grace necessary to bring you to salvation before He formed the earth, and He waited for thousands of years just to give you the gift of eternal life when you didn’t deserve it…
…Our God has a WEALTH of patience…
When He led the children of Israel through the wilderness, and they complained and turned away – time and time again – He took them back… just like He takes us back…
…Our God has a WEALTH of patience…
So, if I want to get patience… I know who to ask for it – and now, so do you!
Note! You might want to be careful asking for patience. Sometimes, God’s way of giving you what you want isn’t really what you might expect. It might mean He tests you, but if you remain in His word and focused on Him… He will build your patience by helping you through whatever tests He gives you.
The truth is, the only way that we can hope to love one another (patiently) is with the love of our powerful God. The only way we can be patient in a loving manner is by drawing from His never-ending supply of patience.
How can we do that? By seeing others through His eyes.
Think of all the times that God has been patient with you – even when you were acting imperfectly. What a relief it is that He does this! Without His patience, grace, and unconditional love – we would be hopeless; lost in darkness.
But He sees us as little children, He guides us by His light, and He tells us to treat one another just the same as He treats us. If you have children then you know what it’s like to love without condition.
Even as parents, we can have a hard time not lashing out selfishly – but in our hearts, we know it is our responsibility to take on the burden of patience (and of course to teach them patience as well – which takes significant patience! :P).
Just as God takes on the burden of patience so often for us – so should we take on that burden for others. However, there are most certainly blessings for doing so – both in heaven and on earth.
Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
A harvest of patience… requires patience… if you want results…
Unfortunately, there are some reprecussions to a life lived impatiently – and we can find them in the responses we get from those around us when we try to change.
As soon as we make the internal commitment to be more patient, we think others will respond to the positive changes we’ve made. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
Instead, those around us respond to us as if we have changed nothing – as if we are still acting like our old selves.
“How is this happening? I’m doing everything right, but it’s like no one notices! Why even change in the first place?!?” We think, frustrated at the lack of results.
What we are missing out on, is the fact that it takes time to rebuild that trust – or even to build new trust that hasn’t even existed. We may have committed to a change, but that choice is internal. Even if you tell someone what you’re trying to do, the phrase stands true:
“Actions speak louder than words.”
When you treat others that are close to you with impatience, they become accustomed to that behavior. They begin to distrust you with their emotions. They stop trusting you with sharing their everyday life… simply because they don’t want to bother you or to put their head between your jaws just to have it crushed again.
After a while, the communication stops, the intimacy of our relationships stops, and healthy vulnerability between yourself and others becomes non-existent.
We become – unapproachable.
The void that is created can’t be undone without a significant amount of diligence. It can’t be reversed without a persistent desire to change on our part – and, of course, the help of our loving God.
He is our source of strength, and as long as we make the choice to seek Him first, He will help us to attain that goal. All of this is part of the process of our sanctification with Christ as we learn to walk in all His ways.
What are some tools you can use to remain patient?
- Stay buried in the word of God and pray – starting in the morning. It’s important to reset each day with Christ. If that means getting up 30 minutes earlier, then so be it! We need Him to be the foundation of every day of our lives. Why is it so important this happens EVERY day? You build a building one brick or one board at a time, but you build a sanctuary for God in your life one day at a time, always seeking to expand and invite Him further inside – because true change comes from the inside out, and we know He is the answer!
- Breathe. Yep. Just breathe. Then… do it again. You may even have to count to a certain number (1… 2… 3…). If this is you… make sure to find your number (and don’t rush to it so you can explode). Slowly, shift those numbers into prayers and ask God to help you see the situation (or person) through His eyes – with His love. The purpose of this is to shift your attention off of your circumstance (which is unstable) and focus it onto your God, who is your immovable Rock (stable). Then, draw strength from His stability.
- Praise God. Yes… even if that doesn’t seem very easy at the time. When you count your blessings and put yourself in a situation to be grateful, it becomes much easier to patiently endure whatever you’re going through. The apostle Paul, who was heavily persecuted and frequently imprisoned was constantly praising God. He had a “peace that surpasses all understanding,” that was attained by the Holy Spirit, and that is exactly the peace you need when you are feeling impatient.
- Open up the line of communication with your loved ones. Communication can be what unlocks the change you and your loved ones are needing. Even though it may be difficult, even though it might go against your pride, sit down, and have a talk with your loved ones. Let them know that you recognize your weakness in the area of patience and that you want to work on it because you love them. Recognize the pain that it has caused them and show them that you care. Let them know that it is probably going to be tough for you, but that you want to try. Just doing this can help heal relationships in many ways!
- See others as children of THE LIVING GOD. How do you treat someone that you have a vast amount of respect for? Someone like your boss at work? Someone, who you look at as a hero? You listen to what they say, right? You wait a little longer at the restaurant if they are late, right? You don’t complain when they show up, even if it bothered you a bit, because you have great respect for them. Now, remember that your loved ones are children of the LIVING GOD – and treat them accordingly – with the utmost patience and respect, and with the utmost grace and love.
The most important thing I’ve found in growing patience is – FOCUS ON JESUS.
When you shift your focus to the cross it truly minimizes the importance of our daily troubles. When you focus on the glory of our Creator and realize our imperfections in comparison, it becomes much harder to point out the faults of others – or to be impatient with them because they are like us: Imperfect.
I hope this helps you out in your earthly relationships and also in your walk with God! If you found it helpful, you can always bookmark this page and come back to it when you need a reminder.
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Thanks, and may God bless you!
